the fourth

written just now............

The Fourth

on the fourth of her wine glasses

i wrote in permanent marker “say

sorry!  you must even if you don’t know why.” only

to find that permanent marker is

easily re

moveable when

scribbled on glassware.

 

I lay on an bare mattress in

empty room

vacant house

everyone is interning for the summer

sleeping in their old beds

sleeping with old girlfriends

or the old girlfriends

of old

friends.

 

I am paying utilities for the first time in

my life

the whole thing makes me think the

way I thought I’d feel after a

graduation

or triumphant

promenade or

maybe even a success in criminal

activity (but I never felt this after any photographable event)

 

costly, I curl and ball into

invisible sheets drawing

invisible curtains so as not to

glimpse the cleared

out room where she used

to sleep

(she never read any

of the obvious signals)

(or

emails

I invisibly sent her) with the

backside of my eyes

and the frontside of my

surprising silences.

 

oh! the hobbies we hope

to tragically acquire from the dealers

of substances we are too

old to pretend

we don’t use.

 

the fourth of her wine glasses was only a fifth of my

problems, which maybe points to the

idiocy of permanence on glassware. yet the promise of

seventh chances remains

intact.